Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
