you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize