are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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