I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
