My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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