FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
