She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
