FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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