I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
