Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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