Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
