You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
