He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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