It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
