Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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