everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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