I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
