just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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