do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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