So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we made out on top of his cat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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