You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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