Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
