I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
