In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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