Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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