You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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