i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
