69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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