Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
