I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
