I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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