it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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