I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
tell me about the fingering
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