6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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