I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh god it's open bar.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
