me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
