His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
