Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize