Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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