so explain again why im purple
no
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone signed my nipple.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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