after a month anything with tits is on the radar
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
