if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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