Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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