Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
