Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
