Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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