I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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