So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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