I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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