How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
