I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
