The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
