I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
