i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
