I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
