i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
