so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
