i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
