Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
