Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
