Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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