Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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