Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
