This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
