Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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