bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
