a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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