Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
