Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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