im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
