Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
