only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i out mim tonsoeep
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
