wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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