And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
