been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
