dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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