i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
