Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
