We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
