I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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