How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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