You're completely useless in the revolution.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
