Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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