just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
