well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
