dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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