Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I am morally bankrupt
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
