I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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