Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
