So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
