i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
