Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
