where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
