how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
