shes about as inviting as chlamydia
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
