now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
