I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
