But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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