I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
