super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
