READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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