You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize