one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need a burrito and a hug.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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