HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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