I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
