I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize