i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
