Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
