I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
