She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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