Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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