I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
