is your mom at the bar?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
